When Augustine Lost His Mother

I alone knew what I was keeping down in my heart. I was very displeased to see the power that these human emotions had over me. Death must come in the due order and appointment of our natural condition. With a new grief I grieved that I grieved, so that I was worn out by a double sorrow…

As I lay alone with my thoughts in bed, I remembered those true verses of Your Ambrose, for You are:

the world’s great Architect,

Who dost heaven’s rowling orbs direct;

Cloathing the day with beauteous light,

And with sweet slumbers silent night;

When wearied limbs new vigour gain

From rest, new labours to sustain,

When hearts oppressed do meet relief,

And anxious minds forget their grief…

I was minded to weep in Your sight for her and for myself, in her behalf and in my own. And I allowed the tears that I had restrained to overflow as much as they desired. I rested myheart upon them, and it found rest. For it was before Your eyes, not in front of men who would have scornfully interpreted my weeping. And now, Lord, in writing I confess it to You. Read it, any who will, and interpret it as you wish. If anyone finds sin in the tears I wept for my mother for a small portion of an hour, let him not berate me. This mother who now was dead to mine eyes had for many years wept for me, that I might live before Your face. If anyone feel great love for me, let him weep for all my sins against You, the Father of all the brethren of Your Christ.

~Augustine, Confessions IX